Love like there is no tomorrow, for indeed no one is guaranteed of tomorrow.
Humans are relational species, and as such, one of our fundamental needs is feeling loved and having a sense of belonging. Apparently from our childhood, we all have an emotional tank waiting to be filled with love. Everyone has a primary love language according to Gary Chapman author of the 5 love languages. Knowing what it is, will improve how you relate to them. Obviously, we don’t do this with everyone we meet but rather with those we are in close relationship with such as our family members, friends and work colleagues. Here are the five love languages and how they influence our relationships with our loved ones. It doesn’t mean that each person will have one love language, most of us will have a blend of all these love languages but one will be more predominant.
Words of affirmation
There are people who are naturally great at complimenting and encouraging others. When you finish talking to these people, they leave you feeling built up and just feeling good about yourself. The Bible talks of a guy who was like that and even got nicknamed “The encourager”. This was Barnabas. Whether it’s complimenting someone on their looks, recognizing their hard work or encouraging them in front of a challenge they are facing, words can either build up or tear them down. Prov 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”.
Quality Time
I have a friend who for three years in a row for her birthday she and I have gone hiking. We’d book the day off from work if her birthday fell on a workday. She loves the outdoors and spending quality time is her primary love language. We would start the day at a restaurant with a big breakfast to get our fuels going and would hike beautiful sceneries for almost five hours before we would stop for lunch. It made her day! Spending quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. It is not watching TV together, or being in the same room together. This is a powerful communicator of love if done through focussed attention, quality conversations and activities. One of my daughters when she was young, would cup my face when talking to me, making sure I was giving her my full attention.
Receiving Gifts
Have you received a well-thought gift and imagined how the person must have gone to great lengths trying to find out what would really make you happy? It’s usually a great sensation. Prov 19:6; ” everyone is a friend to him who gives gifts”. Gifts usually add a little pizzazz to our relationships. But if it’s not one’s primary language it can make the other person feeling uncomfortable or indebted. One of my friends, her husband used to give her gifts as a way of expressing he was sorry if he did something wrong and testify his love to her. It used to drive her nuts!! Gifts will come in different shapes, sizes, prices, handmade etc, but the first of them all is a gift of self – our presence to others.
Acts of Service
My sister visited my family last year with my nephew and they stayed with us for two months. I remember coming home from work every day to a spanking clean house and the smell of good food. I was so grateful to her as it’s my primary love language. After a long day of work and commute, I appreciated it even more. I think a lot of women can relate to this love language. Little actions and random acts of service, show the other person how much we care for them. My youngest daughter is almost 17 years old and sometimes when I have time I would pack her lunch with a little note. She would come, wrap her arms around me and thank me profusely. This love language requires us to be attentive to the unspoken needs of others and meeting them. For example, at work, you can offer a colleague to help them on a project if they are falling behind, grab coffee for them etc.
Physical Touch
I think we all experienced the importance of the human touch during this pandemic when it was strongly recommended to maintain physical distancing even with our loved ones. Frail grandparents who are used to the warm hugs of their grandchildren suddenly felt lonely and isolated. Physical touch, whether it’s an intimate caress in a couple, hug to a friend or family member, it’s a tangible expression of love. However, to those who it’s not their primary love language, it can be uncomfortable.
Having seen the 5 love languages, which one speaks most to you. We tend to relate to others by default in our own primary love language assuming that it’s theirs as well. By discovering the others’ primary love language we can best relate to them. You can discover more resources on the 5 languages of love and even taking a quiz on Dr. Chapman’s website through this link. https://www.5lovelanguages.com/5-love-languages/
I would love to hear your comments on what you discover . The object of love is not getting something that you want but doing something for the well being of the ones you love.
